Teach Your Teen To Argue “Respectfully”
By
A Note From The Santa Monica Family Therapist
STAY ON TOPIC
First, it is essential to really listen while your teen is talking, instead of formulating your response in your head. Also, try to stick to topic you are discussing and not jump around by bringing up past hurts or misunderstandings.
AVOID AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR
The foundation of any respectful argument involves avoiding: raising your voice, swearing, name calling, or pointing your finger in their face. You never want to use threats or taunts, which will only escalate the tension between you. A healthy relationship is based on honesty and trust, so you also don’t want to exaggerate to make a point.
CREATE A SAFETY PHRASE OR GESTURE
You should never be placed in a position where you fear an argument could get physical. Laying a hand on anyone in anger is not okay. Therefore, it is wise to agree upon a safety phrase or gesture that indicates it might be helpful to take a “time out” from an argument which has gotten too heated.
BE WILLING TO APOLOGIZE
You become a role model for your teen by being willing to apologize if you realize you are wrong. These recommendations will obviously work best if you and your teen can both agree to use them. Remember, you are teaching your teen that it’s easier to “hear” and “be heard” when opinions are expressed thoughtfully and respectfully.
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SandraDupontMFT.com
Adolescent Therapist | Parent Coach | Teen Mentor
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Why are my teenagers always arguing with me? I feel like they don’t respect me as a parent. Yet when I try to get them to stop, it only gets worse, and we end up in a power struggle.
New research has shown that it is normal for teenagers to argue with their parents. As they assert their independence, they will push the limits you set for them.
By shutting them down, you take away their opportunity to learn how to negotiate and express their opinion. Ideally, you want to create a situation where you model respectful listening and clear communication.
In this way, you prepare teens to go into the world and stand up for what they believe.